Sleep does not come easy in Brown Town. My children have learned from the Master of all Sleep Fighters on how to dodge getting sleep at all costs. Although I know I do this myself, it’s hard watching them avoid rest when they are so exhausted they are miserable. This past Monday, Paul climbed up on the couch and surrendered to what his body so desperately needed, sleep. He didn’t fight it, he just surrendered.
I used to joke that the reason God has blessed us with children back to back was to bring me to my knees. Well, the joke is over, that’s exactly what He has done. God has Given me four amazing blessings and He’s using them to teach me to surrender. Just like Paul laid down and was quiet and still enough to surrender to sleep, God wants me to surrender.
Up until this point I could do this kid thing on my own. I could even continue to do this thing on my own. While talking to a sweet friend at the park today though, I realized that the past couple months I’ve just been surviving. Some days have been better than others but it all goes back to just surviving. I could probably do this for another kid or two but why? God doesn’t want our family to simply survive. He wants us to thrive!
I keep thinking that if I cut just the right thing out of my schedule then everything will magically fall into place. I know I could use some more wiggle room in my weekly schedule but this is not the magic pill. I need to just give it up and surrender to God. Admit that I can’t do this alone. This for so long has equaled failure in my mind. If I can’t raise my kids by my own might then surely I am an unfit mother and do not deserve more. On the contrary, I am now realizing the ignorance of this. It takes strength to know when to ask for help. It takes wisdom to know when to surrender.
What does all this mean? Are we scraping adoption? Are we done having kids? Of course we’re not!! My four little blessings are being used to bring me closer to the Lord everyday. Of course I want more! By surrending to God and admitting I need Him, I’ll be even more equipped to help Brown Town once again start thriving. Bring on the babies!